房中新术 - New Sexual Medicine1

By: 古夫, 2013, 内蒙古文化出版社

晚上，丈夫回到家中，迫不急待的告诉太太：

“老婆，我今天搅尽脑汁2，终于让我想出了一套最新颖，最好用的姿势，包你满意。快一点，我们进去试试。 ”

“好啊！ ”老婆说着： “你的新姿势是怎么样的？ ”丈夫说： “简单得很，只要躺下来背对着背就行了。 ”

“废话！ ”她怀疑说着： “这算那门子3的姿势啊？ ”

“哦！我忘了告诉你。 ”丈夫说， “我还请了小张他们两夫妻来才能玩。 ”

wǎnshàng, zhàngfū huí dào jiāzhōng, pò bù jí dài de gàosù tàitài:

“lǎopó, wǒ jīntiān jiǎo jǐn nǎozhī2, zhōngyú ràng wǒ xiǎng chūle yī tào zuìxīn yǐng, zuì hǎo yòng de zīshì, bāo nǐ mǎnyì. Kuài yīdiǎn, wǒmen jìnqù shì shì. ”

“hǎo a! ” Lǎopó shuōzhe: “Nǐ de xīn zīshì shì zěnme yàng de? ” Zhàngfū shuō: “Jiǎndān dé hěn, zhǐyào tǎng xiàlái bèi duìzhe bèi jiùxíngle. ”

“fèihuà! ” Tā huáiyí shuōzhe: “Zhè suàn nà ménzi3 de zīshì a? ”

“ó! Wǒ wàngle gàosù nǐ. ” Zhàngfū shuō, “wǒ huán qǐngle xiǎo zhāng tāmen liǎng fūqī lái cáinéng wán. ”

In the evening, the husband returned home and urgently told his wife:

“Wife, today I was brainstorming2, and I finally came up with the most novel, best set of positions to guarantee your satisfaction. Hurry up, let’s go inside and try it.”

“Great!” The wife said, “What is your new position like?” The husband said, “It’s very simple, just lie down back to back and then do it.”

“Bullshit!” She said suspiciously, “What kind of mysterious3 new position is this?”

“Oh! I forgot to tell you.” The husband said, “I also invited the Zhang couple to come play.”

Cultural Notes:

1房中术(fangzhong shu)is an ancient form of sex science or medicine in China. With a very close relationship with Daoism, this sex medicine focused on aspects of sexual common sense, sexual skills, treatment of sexual dysfunction, and conception. It also combines ideas of sports health and the pursuit of immortality or longevity. It saw a decline from the introduction of Buddhism’s abstinence and the rise of Neo-Confucianism in the Song Dynasty, where it was often banned by the government.

2Stir up the brain juice / stir brain juice completely - Brainstorm

3Chinese slang for mysterious or secret